How I Got What I Wanted: OUT

Pretend it’s me sitting in contemplation. 

It didn’t matter whether the copper-red dye in my hair had faded to a dull, brassy tone. It didn’t matter whether my hair had returned to its original brunette luster. And it didn’t matter whether my curls now cascaded and bounced just past the middle of my back. Because the split ends still remained. Those dry, whimpering ends that remained parched no matter how much nourishment they were saturated with. Those cockroach-legged ends that dragged down the notion of buoyancy to drugged artificiality. At the end of the day, they were still there, following me where ever I went and overshadowing whatever joy caressed me.

And it kept building, and building, and building. Up, and up, and up. Until it came to a point one day where I woke up and lightning struck my mind. I had enough and wanted out. I wanted to stop feeling so down. I wanted the past negativity to stop following me everywhere. I wanted control. I wanted to move on. I wanted to begin anew.

And that’s when it hit me.  “Cut it all off.”

An idea that always seemed insane to me whenever I approached the possibility now kissed my forehead and breathed into my ear. I closed my eyes. An idea that I had rejected just a few days ago now willed itself into me.

There was no hesitation. When I wanted something, I did whatever I could to attain it.

I wanted to look Like Susan Parrish from Meet Joe Black. I wanted to feel fresh,

Behold Susan Parrish, AKA Claire Forlani *dramatic wave*

rejuvenated, and symbolize a new beginning for myself. But also because I thought her hair looked pretty dang spankin, I’ll admit, haha.

And so I did it.

I felt nothing at first. But then the emotions starting rolling in. Strangeness—unsure of what to feel. Bewilderment—with what I saw before me. Irregularity–like something was missing. But then curiosity—like how I no longer felt chained to myself. And then finally catharsis in feeling satisfied with my choice to cut my hair short.

I was ready to lock away the past into the past. I was ready to march forward and not look back. I was ready to build myself anew and strive towards the pursuit of happiness.

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